All around nerd, pro wrestling fan, burrito enthusiast and beard rights activist. Co-host of Rude Moose Radio and editor of Flagrantly Foul.
Why The Nerd In Your Life Is So Happy (Or So Mad): E3 Edition
Ah, summer is here. Bright, sunny days at the pool, maybe barbecuing with friends, and, most likely doing all kinds of fun things outside. Sounds terrible, right? Well, I agree.
If you’re anything like me, and I hope to God you’re not, this is a very exciting week. The Electronics Entertainment Expo (E3, to the initiated) is upon us. All of the big developers and consoles are rolling out all of the new titles and other geek-boner inducing announcements that have either sent you or your nerdy friends into heights of elation or planet cracking rage.
Let’s look at some of the highlights so far.
Fallout 4: Probably one of the biggest announcements of the year. People have been scrounging for any information about Fallout 4 ever since they beat Fallout: New Vegas for the seventh time. If you’re not familiar with the Fallout series, think about Mad Max mixed with the Old West with a pinch of Shakespearean story telling. Then get drunk on whiskey and bam, you have the Fallout series so far. If you’re a significant other of a Fallout fan, expect them to disappear sometime later this year.
Star Wars: If you thought the Star Wars hype train was running low on coal, the good people at EA and Dice have just stoked the engine. One of the marquee presentations was actual gameplay from the upcoming Star Wars: Battlefront. As both a Star Wars and video game fan, I could barely keep from squealing like a 10 year old at a One Direction concert when it was revealed that you can play as Darth Vader. Oh, my God, I can’t wait to call in sick for a month when this game comes out.
South Park: The Fractured But Whole: If you were one of the many people who played “South Park: The Stick Of Truth,” you know how exciting this announcement is. Cartoons have always had a spotty track record of good video game adaptations, but The Stick of Truth is by far the best ever made. EVER. It had all the trademarks of the show and did not shy away from the controversial material (Nazi fetuses. For real.) that made it stand out as a faithful adaptation. This time, we leave the swords and sorcery behind and get to play as Coon and Friends taking on the dastardly Professor Chaos. This is going to be an amazing game.
Mass Effect: Andromeda: The Mass Effect trilogy is easily one of the best RPG/sci-fi/shooter/boning aliens simulator of the last generation of consoles. Until you get to the end of Mass Effect 3. Anyone that has played it is screaming swear words at the screen right now, but don’t worry! Mass Effect…4?…is coming next year. Now, the finality of ME3 and the teaser from EA’s press conference tells us that this is a whole different universe from the other games, but what does that mean? We won’t know for a while, but ME fans are no doubt still excited.
Final Fantasy VII remake: I’m not going to lie, I’m not a Final Fantasy fan. The closest I got was Final Fantasy Tactics Advance and even that wasn’t really my cup of tea. Despite that, I know that a remake of Final Fantasy VII is huge news. It’s probably the most popular RPG of all time and the only way people have had to play it since its release is on their PS2s. I can tell you, those graphics do NOT stand the test of time. Now, it’s getting a fresh coat of lacquer for the new consoles and you can hit that guy with the long hair with a big sword or whatever that game is about.
Backwards compatibility for the Xbox One: One of the knocks against the Xbone on release was the fact that it wasn’t backwards compatible, so all that money you spent on Xbox 360 games were useless if you already got rid of that system. Well, Microsoft is working on that. They announced those games you already traded in for fifteen cents at GameStop will eventually be able to played on your Xbox One. There aren’t many that will available right away, but at some point, you can play old favorites on the new console until you realize that you can play games with better graphics on the same system.
So those are some of the highlights, but there is some disappointment coming from E3 as well. I’m not going to go into as much detail for these because, well, there wasn’t any news for them. The perennial hope any time there is a big video game event is that we’ll finally hear news about Half-Life 3.
Half-Life 3 has its own mythology at this point. It’s been rumored for so long, and with no indication at all that it’s coming, it’s become a punchline for gamers. If I had money, I would bet we never see Half-Life 3. Another game loved by its players, Red Dead Redemption, is still not getting a sequel or prequel. As an Xbox guy, I don’t pay much attention to the other consoles and judging from Nintendo and Sony’s press conferences, I’m doing the right thing. No Zelda or true Metroid game from Nintendo and the biggest news from the Sony conference was the fact that The Last Guardians is FINALLY going to come out.
ALSO, WHERE WAS METAL GEAR SOLID V?
Those were my highlights and lowlights of E3. What did I miss? Which organ are you selling to get that sweet Pip Boy Fallout 4 package? (I’m getting rid of my spleen for that.)